Being an empath in the year 2020.

Being an empath this year has been tough to say the least. For those of you who might not be familiar with this term, an empath is someone who not only senses others’ emotions, but takes them on as their own. Feeling the physical discomfort and emotional pain of others’ suffering can feel extremely overwhelming, and at times, unbearable. With all of us impacted by the pandemic, the “leadership” and obvious division in this country, the tolls of climate change, the upcoming election, and so many other stressors from this year of unfortunate events, I can’t simply ignore what’s going on around me.


I don’t know what it feels like to be a Black person in America, but I feel broken by the pain I gather from fighting for them. I don’t know what it’s like to be part of the LGBTQ community, but I imagine the fear and worries, living under Donald Trump’s presidency especially, might bring about. I don’t know what it’s like to be an immigrant in a country that used to encourage the American dream and now summons outsiders to concentration camps. To have to worry about my family succumbing to the torture of a place where it’s been said human rights are not thought twice about. I don’t have to homeschool my children or be stuck quarantining with an abusive partner. There are so many people, now more than ever, stuck in situations that are not only threatening to their peace of mind, but to their physical safety. While I’m extremely privileged to have the freedom from these concerns, I never stop thinking, worrying, longing, or fighting for a life free of these concerns for all.


I had never considered myself an activist. You wouldn’t find me vocally passionate about issues I didn’t feel I had the experience to speak about. I started a blog when I realized my personal experiences might be able to bring light to someone else. When I felt events in my life could connect to others and hopefully something I share can inspire. I truly never considered my ability to call for awareness and support on issues that were opinion based. Until those opinions were whether or not a person should have basic human rights.


In a time of information, it feels easy to keep educated. In a time of technology and constant connection, it feels easy to listen. Easy to speak up. This isn’t politics. A topic that used to feel like a choice to pay attention to. A full time job to be an “activist” or part of the debate. This is human rights. I see more and more stories. More and more heart wrenching experiences. Everyday lives for some people that are unimaginable to the rest of us. I simply must stand up. Now that I know, now that I feel these pains, it isn’t a question of if I want to be an activist. I must do what I can, especially with my privilege, to help.


While the world may feel chaotic right now, hate crimes high and so much about so many futures at stake, I have seen a tremendous amount of unity. Good hearted humans coming together. Communities of people fighting for their neighbors. Cries everywhere that each and every person fighting for a better life is not alone. While hate and fear feel more daunting than ever, in my lifetime at least, love and support are right there too.


I had a conversation recently with my best friend, also an empath, about the weight of everything going on without an off switch. I know my strength. I am proud of how tough I am. How resilient I am. But if I am struggling this much, free from the concerns I mentioned earlier, how is anyone else managing? How are we not all crumbling to the madness around us? She reminded me that not everyone is as empathetic. That many people are actually capable of tuning out the suffering going on around them in order to manage their own life too. To live a life where time is allotted to worrying about the problems of others, and not a constant torture, is something I think about a lot now.


While I feel being an empath allows me to connect with humans in a way I may not be able to otherwise, it also makes it difficult to disconnect. To take breaks to take care of myself, so I can be efficient in assisting others. I take on other people’s problems as a fight I must solve myself. A heavy burden when so much feels left out of my control. I need to also prioritize space without these burdens. Whether I lose myself in the music, a motto tattooed on my side in honor of my brother's favorite artist, Eminem, or fall into deep meditation, breaks are necessary.


Control of my life is huge for me. Maybe that’s why the idea that so many have so little over their own hits me hard. I try to imagine taking time to worry only about myself. The relief of emotions tied to others’ lives. I might sleep better at night and have more energy during the day. Less consumed by pain, more capable of filling moments with pure joy. But would I give up being an empath for that release? I would say no. I love this part of me. This urgency to put others’ wants and needs as if they were my own. To care about humans collectively. To know my heart is big enough to hold the universe in it and still wake up each morning with the desire to create joy. So to any other empaths out there, you are not alone. We might be hurting from the pain around us, but the ability to feel for more than just ourselves gives us the capability to connect, to fight and to feel each win with all our heart.