I know it’s important to have an open mind in listening and understanding all kinds of people and all sorts of perspective. I’ve been getting lazy. Letting things slide because I’m exhausted. I don’t have to be perfect is my excuse for allowing behavior I am not proud of. My lack of personal mental attention has caused my triggered impatience for anyone who is not outright anti-racist or anti-Trump.
I know how valuable broadening my views and learned experiences are to expressing my opinions more thoughtfully. Why is my idea of right and wrong unarguable? It’s not fair to take an approach of convincing anyone who thinks differently why my views are factually correct. I can learn from anyone, even if I disagree with them.
I’m torn between wanting to be the kind of person who can listen to anyone with an open mind and not wanting to be the kind of person who gives anyone who supports a racist, misogynist, rapist, and all the other qualities in our president, the time of day to share their conspiracy theories and hurtful thoughts. I stand up for minorities. Not just by donating or by raising awareness, but by giving my heart to them. By trying to put myself in their shoes.
As a woman, I get a glimpse of what it’s like when someone in power has the right to threaten my safety because of things out of my control. As a resident of LA, witnessing the police brutality of peaceful protestors fighting for the Black Lives Matter movement, not to mention police brutality itself, I have a small understanding on the fear of not being able to trust those in power. Trust those who were given weapons to “protect the people” not to use them to enact their own personal agendas. But no matter what I think I can understand or relate to, there are a million more experiences I can’t.
So no, I don’t want to hear your reasoning on why “all lives matter” during a civil rights movement giving power to Black people for a moment after endless centuries of suffering under white supremacy. I don’t want to hear your rebuttals to why Trump is a disgrace to the country. Or your opinions and arguments against his clear mocking of a disabled reporter, telling women in congress from non-white backgrounds to “go back to where they came from,” causing the deaths of tens of thousands of Americans from the coronavirus because he put his political aspirations above the people entrusted to his care, HIDING in his bunker when the country needed a leader. Calling for the death penalty for the Central Park 5 after they were proven innocent, conspiring “birtherism” against Barack Obama, not to mention the multitude of racist and misogynist quotes Trump has been caught on tape saying before and during his presidency. I don’t want to hear how Biden is “incoherent when he talks.” Trump is incoherent when he thinks. The damage, destruction and lack of leadership from Donald Trump has already been catastrophic. So forgive me if nothing anyone says can take that back.
My beliefs may be different than yours. I might be wrong for not wanting to give Trump another chance. All I know is that my mental health is at risk by trying to listen to the conspiracy theories and the privileged racism that exists all around us. Like some people avoid reality tv because it “rots their brain,” I choose to focus on positive people and hopefulness right now. I need to protect my mind and my heart so that I can give my best efforts to support the causes I stand behind. I need to surround myself with people who remind me that good people have a chance to win. It might be selfish, but Trump can’t take away that right...yet.