Let me tell you a story. I had a date planned for a whole week. The guy seemed incredibly sweet. Kind hearted, mature and well-mannered. Good morning texts and reminders throughout the week how excited he was for Saturday. Saturday morning came around. Good morning text on point per usual. He even went so far as to ask if he could bring anything. Asking what kind of cheeses and wine I like. Explaining to me that he’s bringing me something even though I said no thank you. Seemed too good to be true, and it was. He told me he was on his way, then never showed up. “Ghosted.”
I think if this happened a couple months ago, I would have gotten upset. Frustrated at all men. Feeling hopeless about dating and people’s intentions in general. I would have probably changed into sweats, curled up into bed, and been sad. Instead, I feel empowered. How unfazed I am by this situation. I don’t expect anything from anyone but myself, and let me tell you, I do not disappoint.
Before my very first heartbreak, I thought I had it all together. I had gone through my body transformation, and I felt my entire being was fierce and unstoppable. To be fair, I was strong. Mentally and physically. But, something must have been missing I wasn’t yet ready to understand. To be so broken by a boy.
This feeling now. Boosted with confidence. No need to be upset. Secure in my own self. My happiness doesn’t rely on anyone or anything. I am no less happy than before this boy disappeared. Actually, I’m happier. I passed the test. I can trust where I’m at. I’ll go buy my own cheese. Treat myself with a bouquet of flowers.
This comfort in being alone feels secure. Trust in my company to uplift me and brighten my own day. Everything I need to feel good, I have. This realization, this pure understanding about life, sets me free. Once I stopped needing anything from anyone, and demanding more from myself, I let go. I can exist in many ways. I choose to love my existence. That love reciprocates.
Dating is beyond complicated in this day and age. Technology manipulates communication. Lack of effort, maturity, decency. People feel excused from needing to explain themselves. As if it’s our right of passage to do what we want at the expense of others. The best advice I have for myself is to keep an open mind, but don’t set expectations for anyone. Let those who follow through be nice surprises and those who don’t be easily brushed off. Keep taking myself on dates. Treating others AND myself the way I wish to be treated.