I’ve been dying for one of those drives where you cry in a screaming voice. Releasing every bottled up emotion, leaving it on the road behind you and driving to new territory. Giving yourself the space to breathe again. Seeing clear road unfogged.
Lately, I have been having some not so wanted feelings. Feelings I wish I could close the door on and they’d just turn around and walk away. Instead, my feelings knock again. Standing on the other side of my door, pestering me until I let them in. They would haunt me if I didn’t know that feelings are merely visitors. Open the door for them and let them in. Be kind to them, attempt to understand where they come from, and send them on their way. You’re the host, you don’t owe them anything except hospitality, recognition, and the benefit of the doubt. They probably didn’t show up to ruin your day, they just want a fair chance to be heard, be seen, and maybe be given a hug goodbye.
I can’t know for sure who I’d be today without my past, but I feel lucky to have been able to get through such experiences that allowed me to reach this kind of strength, confidence, determination and fight. To live every day with the drive to just be as happy as I can that day. I know for a fact that tough breakups, painful anxiety, even life tragedies have a way of entering and exiting our lives if we give them permission. All of these visitors are a part of me. Who I am and how I feel needs to be permitted. How can I be present if I don’t welcome myself? It’s like when someone would tell me I’m beautiful before I believed it for myself. Just words. People talking without connection. It was and always is about what I think about myself. If I feel bad about myself, I must greet that part of me. Take her in and understand why. Show love, compassion and empathy. If I don’t give that part of me a chance to enter my home, or more literally my mind, I am not only ignoring vital information, I’m ignoring a chance to nurture and give love.
Every visitor offers a chance to learn. If anything, collect new insight. You have the power to let them trouble you. If they have muddy shoes, either tell them to take their shoes off or have a towel on hand to wipe after them. Ask them what they walked through to track all that mud, but don’t let that trail stain your home. Wipe your ground clean while taking the time to understand what dirtied it in the first place. You are the host. Your mind is capable of entertaining each and every feeling that knocks and wants to enter, you just have to remember your power over them.