The crazy thing is, even if you showed me proof, footage of me waking up to the Pacific Ocean crashing on my doorsteps and living a fit and healthy lifestyle with my perfect chocolate lab, I still wouldn’t have wanted it. That’s what depression is. A cloud over perception. It was an impossible concept to me at the time, loving life. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just couldn’t grasp wanting anything.
So many people have asked me what my company does. My goals for my blog and what I want my brand to represent. Of course, I’m thrilled when I can nudge anyone on a more enlightened path. Whether something I say is heard by the right person at the right time, or my hike reviews inspire someone to get out and enjoy healthy choices. But my true calling, my personal connection to what I do and what I hope to achieve, is giving hope to those who feel hopeless. Telling anyone who may feel completely defeated with no imagination of a life turned around, that I too felt that way. But now look where I am. The clouds don’t hide the light anymore.
The incredible thing about living a life I’m so proud of now is understanding it can never be taken from me. Of course, shit happens. For heaven’s sake, literally, my brother died as soon as I got my life together. But I had the tools I needed to deal. To grow. To grasp what living a fulfilling life truly means. The choices I can make, I make logically. The rest, I deal with. I remember light needs time to rest. Darkness makes room for more appreciation. Nobody is given a life without hardships. All we can do is find a way to accept and nurture our soul. How to soak in and make the most of the good. I am optimistic for the future but focused on the now. Prepared for anything, because I can’t lose. If I always try my best to be the best me, that is living my best life. That is loving life unconditionally.
Whenever someone apologizes for what I went through, those 15 years surviving with no desire to live, I tell them, “don’t be!” Today, I get to be strong and I get to trust my strength. Prideful of the work I achieved to get to where I am. To be my own superhero. I live every day like I knew what it was like to have it taken away. A sense of pure serenity knowing nothing can defeat all I’ve become. A foundation so sturdy I have the ability to be knocked down and bounce back. To continue building. There are no limits on how high I can stand, and I will never crumble back to where I started.