This is my tea...
I go out, see friends, run errands, enter the world, but I go home and immediately put on my ice pack. Around 4 pm the pain becomes too unbearable to go back out, to even FaceTime with friends. I smoke some lavender weed, make some peppermint tea and rotate ice packs until I can go to bed. This has unfortunately been my life for the past few years. Pain I ignored for so long that it literally grew more pain. But after seeing 13 specialists, trying 11 methods to healing, 3 mouth appliances, dozens of scans and x-rays and EVEN TONGUE SURGERY, I was left with only a list of doctors who told me I wouldn’t be able to eat or talk in the near future and there was nothing they could do to help me.
In 3 months I am GETTING FIXED. I have a real live surgeon ready to change my life. Someone who has actual patients on the other side of this hell. People who I met and who told me they were where I’m at and now they get to live a pain-free life.
As I’m typing this I’m tearing up. Thinking about waking up the day of my surgery knowing at the end of that day I will actually be healing. The thought of my head touching my pillow when I go to bed instead of an ice pack. The thought of being able to answer my friends’ calls past 4 pm without having to tell them I’m in too much pain to talk. Being able to stay out somewhere beautiful with my dog because I don’t have to get home to my freezer. Traveling without having to arrange if there will be ice in my hotel. Not having to lug my ginormous cooler with me wherever I go that will be more than a few hours. I can start dating again, taking trips with friends, making dinner plans! The life I truly want that has been just out of reach for too long is actually knocking on my door.
If you’ve read my blog or know me in real life, you’ll know this attitude hasn’t always been here. My life wasn’t something I looked forward to for over 15 years. The idea of going through double jaw surgery with 5 days in a hospital, a month in Dallas, Texas, 6 weeks liquid diet and 6 months of a swollen face would have literally been a joke to me. But now it’s the most incredible thing to think about. It’s all I have left to do before I can enter this next chapter in my life. The one where I did the work AND I fully get to enjoy the outcome!