I am exhausted of being okay all the time.
Just writing that I wanted to delete it, like backspacing will erase the fact that I am still human and I am still going to have anxiety and struggle.
Compared to Old Lindsay, New Lindsay is beaming on the highest star. Although I would LOVE to be an actual unicorn, I AM a human, and I am allowed to experience sadness. Sadness is temporary, my depression felt permanent. Even though I am aware of the balance necessary to live a healthy life, I am guilty of sending away sadness before I am able to release it.
I have become a perfectionist on living a happy life. Analyzing everything I do, constantly looking for ways to better myself. I won’t get those 22 years back and I am determined to make my life the most deserving, respectable life I can make it. I am obsessed with being inspirational, even to myself, that I forget the most inspirational part to my story is that I’m just like everyone else. I’m not always "cherry on top" happy. I have loud neighbors that make me want to scream at the top of my lungs. I drop something and make a huge mess right before I am rushing out the door. I shrink my shirts in the laundry and get impatient by the slow walkers in front of me. I, more often than I would like, have to reel in my road rage when someone cuts me off on the road. I am not cured from the difficulties of being human, but I am cleared from the darkness that hid my capability from my own eyes. I don’t have panic attacks anymore because I know I am OKAY. When something becomes too much, I know that taking deep breaths, a walk, a cold shower, or other tools proven useful to New Lindsay WILL eventually rid the stress. I know I can get through anything, so whatever comes my way or overwhelms me can only be temporary. Temporary does not scare me when I felt trapped for so long in the dooming prison of a life that felt so worthless.
So let me suggest to you, when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, bring yourself back to the simplicities.
What do you HAVE to worry about in that moment. If it’s a decision that needs to be made in the near future, you have time to let your mind have some time off of that subject.
Overwhelmed by work? Whether it be school work or office work, remind yourself why you’re there. For school maybe you need a degree for the future you would like to pursue. If you see your future looking back and being so glad you worked your ass off then work you ass off and be damn proud of it! If you work to afford rent or put food on the table for your children, your responsibilities are priority and that’s what you do. No matter what, you will get it done. The less time overthinking or complaining about the things you don’t want to do but NEED to do, the more time you will have to take care of your physical and mental health.
There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, but when you’re swept up in the unnecessary worrying it is hard to see the importance in any of it. Remember to bring yourself back to the simplicities of the moment, be in that moment and don’t bring extra weight than needed to get by.
Lindsay Greenberg, providing perspective on how to live a magical life.