Lately I’ve had the same point arise amongst me and my friends. The hesitation to trust our own judgement, intuition or feelings. We end up blaming our discomfort on the illusion that we have this inability to see clearly. Making excuses for a seemingly forced situation. I’ll use dating as an example. I know three women, all incredible and single in this frustrating era of dating. Strong, mature, independent women who I know to be smart decision makers. My first friend is having a hard time working through “damage” from her first love. Wondering if her judgement is strong enough to find confidence in having felt tricked in her past. Unwilling to settle, it seems as though her loss in hope that someone will excite her fully again is causing her to minimize or ignore red flags. My second friend is longing for consistency in a relationship, trying to navigate dating in Los Angeles. She has been dating a new guy, wavering back and forth on how strong their connection is. It seems so rare to find a catch that she may be stretching her feelings for him, wishing she had more attraction than she actually feels. The third woman is me. I was stuck in a long distance romance of mystery and unknowns that I was unable to let go of for 3 years. My heart is committed but my mind has known for a while that this isn’t working. Shouldn’t my heart and my mind be in harmony to accept the love I deserve?
These three situations have a reoccurring theme. Do you notice that when you question your gut, try to tell yourself why you should feel differently, it usually comes full circle and those doubts come to surface? It’s ignoring these initial red flags that get us into situations where those same threats linger and collapse on us. Yes, you may have trusted your intuition before and it led you down what felt like the “wrong road”, but didn’t you learn a valuable lesson? Don’t you feel like you’re more knowledgeable moving forward? Your feelings adapt and adjust subconsciously. We don’t need to remind our mind and our heart what we’ve gone through, they remember. You’re never too deep in anything to make a decision or a change that can open the door to a happier life.
I recently had a conversation with my mother about my moving on from my long distance connection. I told her I have a lot of questions now about how I handle being in love. Why I’ve been so closed off and stuck in this relationship for so long. How there is so much to uncover and explore with these newly opened sides of me, and I’d love her help working out some of these perspectives. Her response was this. “I don't think you need to “ask yourself questions" about being stuck. You know me--look forward, girl! You keep doing you and you will meet whoever you need to meet!”
When I first read this I wasn’t sure I agreed. I was so excited about taking this opportunity to learn more about myself in a way I’ve never explored. I find worth from hardships through the effort and rewards I make growing as an individual. But as these signs keep popping up, as I’m giving advice to friends on trusting their intuition and following the energy they truly feel, I understand what she was saying.
Overthinking is a common roadblock for anyone in tune with themselves. It’s not a lost concept that overthinking causes anxiety and makes life harder than it already is. Creating defenses for behavior that bothers us or trying to reason explanations for why we feel unsettled is only distracting us from following our natural journey. We are who we are, we attract who we attract, but we grow from moving forward. Just because we like someone, does not mean they are meant to stay in our life. Listen to your mind AND your heart and make sure to include them both with your decision making.
When it comes to relationships, romantic or not, we must choose the right people for our success. If something feels off, try not to question yourself. Our feelings give us the information we need to attract what brings us joy, defeat what burdens our souls, stand strong to what we fear, and eliminate worry with what is out of our control. Read more about identifying and responding to emotions. Not everyone connects in a beneficial way. Just because you enjoy spending time with someone or miss someone when you’re apart doesn’t mean they’re a healthy contributor to your life. Keep in mind your energy when you’re around or thinking about certain people. When it comes to choosing who you spend your time with, be wise, be selfish, but be honest.
Lindsay Greenberg, providing perspective on how to live a magical life.