Exploring Balance

The struggle between when to “let things flow” and fighting for what’s desired can be very confusing. A blurred line that can lead to overthinking and anxiety. A choice, that with balance, can be made wisely as well as naturally. When is giving up really letting go? When is letting things flow really lack of determination?


I go through phases. The “fuck it” phase tends to bring less stability but more freedom. More short-term joy and resistance to attachment, good and bad. This attitude feels very temporary. Relief and momentarily satisfying, but reality lingers in the background, distant and daunting.


I also have periods of time where my choices seem very driven. I’m in a place where I feel like making goals and seeing them through. Proving to myself I’m committed and hard-working is my true desire. The problem with these times is my ability to confuse what it is I’m seeking. Is this job/activity/commitment still making me happy, or am I in it because it’s a responsibility I dedicated myself to? Do I really like this man, or am I just holding myself accountable to follow through with giving him a chance? Is the place I’m living still suiting my needs?


It’s important to check in. Get to the root of my desires and ask myself if my strategy to achieve those goals is being honored. My “fuck it” phase may not be realistic, but it guides me to my natural calling. Letting things flow in and out of my life without worrying about what sticks in each moment. Opportunities always come and go, and sometimes it’s best not to be hung up on timing. Not to be overwhelmed by opportunities at all but just be present in the moment with myself and my surroundings. Maybe I can be driven to observe that. Loyal to my health and my happiness and whatever that requires. Follow my gut when something or someone doesn’t seem to add value to my best life anymore. Authenticity unlocks freedom. Let it go doesn’t mean be careless. Moving on from those things that no longer serve me is a commitment to living my best life, and that is a goal I can always be sure of.


With my recognition of my need to move apartments, discussed in my blog posts “Fight or flight?” and “Coping with Anxiety”, I was stuck with the burden of finding a new home. Having 2 months left on my lease, I knew I had time to be picky. It’s the season where places start popping up with availability and I didn’t want to settle too quickly. There is a specific beach I was hoping to live on. Holding out hope that I could find a place, on budget, and on the water. I bring my dog here regularly to swim and just a few weeks ago was blessed with the magical moment of swimming with dolphins right by the shoreline! I felt through my entire being that this was a sign. I trusted my patience would lead me to the perfect place fulfilling all my needs. Not even a full week later, I saw a listing. 2 days later, I took a tour. The exact spot where the dolphins were. On the ocean with a door to the beach. It’s perfect. I took it.


Life is a combination of luck and decisions. What happens to us and how we take those circumstances into our own hands. The attitude we present and carry throughout hardships. Our open mindedness and ability to create and cultivate opportunities. With a balance of allowance and proactivity, our best life is in our control completely.